Transformations
Volume 5

Hope In The Midst Of Darkness

By Alice Blackwell

Lengthened shadows and flickering lights at the end of the tunnel seem distant while dark clouds overhead obscure all but a thin ray of light and in the midst of the storm, these scenarios pass through one’s troubled mind obscuring the threads of hope originally planted within by the touch of the Divine upon the soul of mankind. Ah! What is this hope? God’s Word to us says in Jeremiah 29:11,” For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
It is our desire in New Hope Outreach to demonstrate the Word of God to those hopelessly bound by a lifestyle that has engulfed and chained them, thus sharing hope. We want to encourage them “ …to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment,” I Tim. 6:17. For freedom is possible in Jesus.
Our heart’s passion is found in I Cor. 6:11,”And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God", also in Romans 1:16,” I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes”. The Apostle Paul, who penned these under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, spoke of hope for those bound by so many things.
Long before there was a gay community, long before there was gay pride, the Holy Spirit was setting people free and Paul recorded that in these verses. As we meet together with people on the streets and in small group settings, there is an expectation of hope because God is true to His Word.
Because of the hope which lies within, we can say with the songwriter, “Lord, there is none like you, no one else can touch my heart like you do, I could search through all eternity, Lord and find, there is none like you.” He ministers true hope to the hungry heart and it is our prayer that the Lord of the harvest will speak through His Holy Spirit breathing life into the hopeless.
We especially thank our prayer warriors who, day after day, take a leading role in touching heaven for those who have lost hope to be confronted with the hope of Jesus. We are all called to be dispensers of hope.
God Bless
Alice Blackwell

My Beloved Son Hope In The Midst Of Darkness

By Bob Scrivens - M Div., C.P.C., OACCPP(c)

Did you ever hear your father say to you, "You are my beloved son/daughter in whom I am well pleased."? These are words spoken by the Heavenly Father to Jesus, God the Son, at the time of the baptism of Jesus in the Jordan River. One might think hearing these words is insignificant but the opposite is true. They represent a father affirming his son or daughter and giving assurance the child is loved, loveable and capable of. giving love.
There has been a growing interest in the role of fathers in the nurturing of sons and daughters. So significant is this role that it appears to determine, to an extent never before thought, the presence of self-worth in the child, the sense of personal identity, comfort with one's masculinity or femininity and, the general awareness that one is unique and special as a person. This in no way negates the importance of the role of mother nurture.
In my practice as an Individual, Marriage and Family Therapist I have been increasingly aware of the brokenness in the lives of men and women who have not received adequate nurture from a father. The brokenness is often described as a "void" or "hole" deep within that the person has tried to fill through various and sundry means but to no avail. Among the telltale signs are: low sense of self worth, an uncertainty about personal identity, an uneasiness about sexual identity, inability to relate to others in healthy ways, a longing for approval, a tendency to be a controller, a tendency toward sexual promiscuity both heterosexual and homosexual, and an increased tendency toward violent, aggressive and addictive behaviour.
In the family of origin in which a child develops the above characteristics there will often be the following:
1) A father who is physically present but emotionally absent leading the child to believe that " men do not have feelings", "dad does not care about/love me","there must be something wrong with me and therefore I have to fix it".

2) A father who is present but authoritarian in parenting style. In this setting there is no room for negotiation between father and child, no allowance made for failing, expectations too high to be achieved, development of fear of authority figures, an increasing loss of motivation in the child, rebellious behaviour, the potential development of the over-achiever/ workaholic, addictive personality.

3) A father who expects the child to be an adult. Responsibilities far too much for a child are heaped on; social skills are thwarted because interaction with children the same age is discouraged; anger coming out of frustration builds and bitterness gets a foothold in the child's life.

4) A father who is verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually abusive. Such abuse violates the will, messes up the thought and emotional life, thwarts emotional growth, heaps guilt on the child, leads to self-blaming and is a seedbed of intense fear that colors all of life affecting most profoundly the establishment of healthy relationships.

5) A father who has never been nurtured by a father himself. In this sense the wounding is generational.

Every son and daughter needs a healthy father role model. No one can model what he or she has never received. Hugs, cuddles, appropriate touch, "I love you!" spoken often, are all more than essential in the healthy emotional and spiritual growth of a child. Having not received this kind of warmth from a father, the child will potentially look for it in relationships that are unhealthy and destructive.

In dealing with those afflicted with what I have often called "The father wound" I have felt it necessary to approach each case with great compassion, seeking to affirm and encourage the individual. I believe it is absolutely essential that the suffering one not be condemned nor judged for relationships and activities in which they have become involved. It is far more effective to build on the truth that in the very beginning that person was created by God in His image, after His likeness and is loved unconditionally by the Heavenly Father. This does not mean that all relationships and behaviour are sanctioned by God but it does mean His love is real.
From that foundation point I work to help the individual discover unhealthy thought and behavioural over again which have led to negative and destructive results. We look then for ways of reversing these patterns.
One absolute truth is that negative thoughts lead to negative emotions,lead to negative choices which in turn lead to negative actions resulting in negative thoughts etc., etc. This trend leads to destruction. As a Christian, one who is "in Christ", negative thoughts about oneself or negative self messages need to be "nipped in the bud" right at the time the thoughts enter. Instead of repeating the old thoughts such as "I am no good!", "I was abused and therefore must be dirty and useless.", " I cannot help the way I am.", " I cannot control my emotions/actions.", we can reverse the negative thoughts by realizing that "in Christ I am a child of God, a member of the family and household of God, a brother/sister of the Lord Jesus Christ and in me there lives the same Holy Spirit by whose power Jesus was raised from the dead". When this truly sinks in there is hope because along with the apostle Paul it is now possible to say, " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".

Bob Scrivens is an ordained pastor who is in private practice as an Individual, Marriage and Family therapist. He can be reached at: New Hope Christian Counselling 1573 Old Hwy 2 (West)
RR#2
Belleville, On.
K8N 4Z2
(613) 969-2282

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