By Allana McDougal
Peterborough This Week, Wednesday, December 1, 1999
(with permission to re-publish)
Mark doesn't give his real name because he doesn't want people to figure out who he is. He shares a picture of his hidden life, which members of his family have yet to see, so students like him may find hope. extra curricular events and he's also an honour student.
He's amiable, attractive and funny.
There's one thing left out in the description above that may change opinions. He's homosexual.
From age twelve, Mark knew there was something "different" about him. During that time, when friends began exploring the world of girls and masculinity, he came to first realize his homosexuality.
"Grades 6 and 7 were the most confusing. It never occurred to me that I might be gay. I was trying to figure out why I wasn't looking at girls in the same way my friends were."
Mark spent years questioning himself before realizing that he had no other option. Being gay is part of who he is. Reaching that conclusion has been a personal battle.
He's had to come to understand why, in sex education class, he couldn't receive answers to his questions and why his parents may not feel as much happiness for him when introduced to the person he will spend his life with.
High school is so superficial. People judge you for what you wear, how you act, and who you hang around. I don't want it (being gay) to get out because I fear of being ridiculed or verbally abused," Mark says.
He has experienced harassment and discrimination in our city and in our schools.
He feared for his friends and his boyfriend's well-being late one night when a group of "jock types" began yelling derogatory names and foul language towards them from the street.
On a class trip s student used the word fag numerous times without any teacher intervention. He was about to speak out but his fear of being branded "pro-gay" muted his offense to the comments.
The words "fag" and "homo" are often used out of context to refer to things as either unnatural or wrong, he says, noting that people's inability to defend gay people or contradict those using these derogatory terms halts the process of eliminating harassment of homosexuals. The idea of living in a world he can at least feel entitled to being who he is seems hopeless.
Mark looks forward to university in Toronto. He's been to Church Street (a notoriously gay area in the downtown core) and experienced his first Gay Pride Parade last summer, the largest in its history.
"Every second of nearly my entire life has been surrounded by hiding. "It's the first priority.
"Every other decision is made after I've considered how it could affect keeping the secret."
He hopes to leave that behind along with the repression of his high school life.
Only then, he hopes, his game of hiding will come to an end.
Postscript
We at New Hope Outreach are reaching out to the Marks with the Gospel.
"Every second of nearly my entire life has been surrounded by hiding. It's the first priority". As Mark said the above statement, how does it make you feel? How many times have you heard in our churches " God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" and everyone laughs. Where are the Steves or Marks? They may be right next to you. God loves the Marks and the reality is they don't feel at home sharing their struggles with us because they feel we don't care or we will judge them or hate them. However, if we listen to them and demonstrate the love of Jesus to them, we listen to their story, share our story then maybe we can share Jesus' story, because we have earned the right.
This is what New Hope Outreach does on the streets and as we earn the right they listen to the gospel. So the next time someone says not … Adam and Steve, instead of laughing, pray.
Blessings
Rev. Danny Blackwell
New Hope Outreach
Please visit our Blog at
newhope-outreach.blogspot.com “Committed to a message of Hope".